The book of my life.

I'm getting dangerously close to filling another journal.

I began keeping a journal during my senior year of high school. My aunt Noreen bought me a small notebook covered in maps and drawings of the moon during different phases when I was in a play a few years prior. I finally bit the bullet and wrote my name on the inside cover the day I found out that I needed to keep one for my creative writing class. Then I covered it with some favorite quotes of mine.

I ended up using the journal three or four times for actual assignments. It became a lot more personal in the end. I filled it with song lyrics, poetry, prose, and a few sketches. I never really used it as a typical "journal" like you'd see in the movies. I wasn't asking, "Are you there, God? It's me, Marissa," in slanted cursive. My journaling was a form of spontaneous artistic expression. It became a part of my arm. My right fist closed around it so that my knuckle whitened as I moved through the hallways between classes.

Eventually I had to get another journal. It so happened that a teacher of mine gave me one as a graduation present. It took me longer to fill that one, as it had more pages which were larger as well. I'm seven pages away from filling it. It's bound by a spiral, which is great for songwriting because it won't close up if I need to look at it whilst I hold my guitar. The cover is rustic-looking with pictures of pineapples and other things you'd find on an island. I wrote "I can think of nothing but love and fresh coffee," a quote by the poet Fred Chappell from his poem "Recovery of Sexual Desire After a Bad Cold." On the inside cover, for whatever reason, I wrote in capital letters "THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO:" and then wrote my name and address beneath it.

Although the writing in the first journal is pound-for-pound a lot less respectable than some of the things from my second journal, I've noticed that in the second one I give up a lot on things that I can't finish right away. It's full of a lot of concepts, whereas the writing in my first journal was complete. And even if it wasn't the best, it was something concrete and resolute.

My third journal started getting filled simultaneously with my second; I needed to keep a journal for my stress management class last semester. My professor encouraged me to use that journal for daily recollections and musings--not necessarily for art's sake, but more for my sake so I would have something concrete to look at and reflect on weekly in regards to my personal life. Now that journal is almost full. The notebook that I used was also from my aunt Noreen. It has mosaic coi on it in pastel colors.

I realize now that I've never bought a journal for myself that went to any practical use. I've bought little notebooks for myself and a few friends have bought them for me but there are some notebooks that I just cannot write in for some reason. My second notebook was one of them--for some reason it felt like there was some miscommunication between my pen and the lined paper. It was heartbreaking for a while before I found a muse who helped me get over that block.

So now I'm in the market for a new journal. Today I must have opened and re-opened and felt and fondled and smelled about forty different notebooks. None of them seemed right. I guess my physical criteria are as follows:

• Must be portable
• Must have subtle cover art
• If the cover art is not subtle, I am often taken with classic-looking or antiquarian designs, especially those of an Asian, Indian, or even European persuasion
• Must have a good texture
• Must have darkly lined pages
• Must be tall enough/wide enough so that I can write a poem comfortably on one page
• The little ribbon marker is a plus, but not necessary
• No magnetic covers--those things are hard to open
• Simplicity always wins over extravagance. After all, it's what's inside the notebook that's important
• No multi-colored pages. White or off-white
• Printed on recycled paper
• No obnoxious or distracting watermarks. If they're on the upper or lower corner of the page, that's fine.
• No specially printed spaces for writing the date or anything like that.

See? I'm not picky. Not picky at all. Buy me a journal. I dare you.

Kiss on my List

I haven't made a good list in a long time. I think I need to. I was watching "The Wedding Singer" today and I watched the Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore kiss for the first time with the sound off. Yea, take your mind out of the gutter--the only reason I turned the sound off was so I could see if the kiss had the same brevity without the swelling orchestral strain of "Grow Old With You" in the background. And it totally did! So today, for all of my [4] readers, a list of my favorite screen kisses:



1) Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore in "The Wedding Singer." (1998) What made their kiss in the doorway of Julia's house so incredible was because there was no immediate release or resolution. You knew they were perfect for each other and the looks on their faces showed that they finally knew it too, but then Glen walked in and suddenly you realized that there were still a good forty minutes left in the movie. That sounds so unromantic, but that's what made the kiss so great. It started out as an experiment "for educational purposes" and turned into something more. And Drew Barrymore smiles during the entire thing. This movie is one of my favorites, so naturally it has a lot of clout with me. Also, I like the 80s very much.



2) Bill Murray/Scarlet Johansson in "Lost in Translation." (2003) I hear a lot of people complaining about this film not going anywhere and every time I see Bill and Scarlet kiss and finally find each other in the streets of Tokyo, I couldn't disagree with these fools more. There is so much implied in this tender, innocent kiss. And not knowing what he whispers in her ear makes their last moment together even more tantalizing. It also fuels my "older man/younger girl" fantasy.


3) Lady/Tramp in "Lady & the Tramp." (1955) Seriously, this is classic. I don't really feel that I need to justify its place on the list. It's actually creepy to think of all of the couples who actually imitate this scene in life though.


4) Maggie Gyllenhaal/James Spader in "Secretary." (2002) After Lee's hunger strike, it's so satisfying to see her finally win the affection of her boss and dominant partner, Edward. Their courtship preceding the kiss is quite an anomaly. It all started with a strange over-the-desk spanking incident that we thought would turn into nothing more than some good old-fashioned S&M office nookie. But when Edward stops giving Lee the business and kisses her with such gentle conviction, "Secretary" stops being creepy and gets romantic...without losing its edge.

5) Clark Gable/Vivien Leigh "Gone With the Wind." (1939) So what if it's a likely addition to the list? There's a reason some things are considered "classic." The way Rhett ravages Scarlett during the violently passionate kiss at the bottom of the stairs borders on disturbing, which is why I like it so much. I like the danger in it. I like the power that they have over each other and the struggle that they both go through to exert that power. It's strong! "You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."

6) Kevin Spacey/Mena Suvari "American Beauty." (1999) We keep waiting for Lester to wake up as he pulls Angela in and finds himself dangerously close to living out his feverish fantasy. Even with all of the mounting tension and the subtle fear in Angela's eyes, the kiss seems so deserved. It's like watching the Trix rabbit finally get his cereal. The rain in the background and the streetlight glow across their faces provides the perfect setting.


7) John Travolta/Uma Thurman "Pulp Fiction." (1994) It's never a good idea to try anything funny with Marsellus Wallace's wife. But after that hot twist sequence at Jackrabbit Slim's, I'm so glad that Vincent Vega moved in on the lovely miss Mia. Their kiss in the doorway of the Wallace home is dangerously romantic, and sexy as Steve Buscemi dressed as Buddy Holly asking if you want it burnt to a crisp or bloody as hell.

8) Eugene Levy/Catherine O'Hara "A Mighty Wind." (2003) The only thing mightier than the wind in this movie is the tension between Mitch and Mickey at the reunion concert at the end of the film. When you're a movie and a huge chunk of your plot emphasizes the importance of one little kiss, it better be a good one. And nobody is disappointed. Well, actually, we are disappointed a little, but in a good way. Seeing the has-been Mitch and Mickey kiss again is heartbreaking and fulfilling at the same time.

9) Marlon Brando/Kim Hunter "A Streetcar Named Desire." (1951) So how do you follow a soaking wet Marlon Brando screaming "Stellllaaaaaaaaa!" in one of the most legendary moments in cinematic history? Seal it with a kiss, dude. And make it a hardcore, disturbingly rough and sensual one. The fact that Marlon Brando exudes sex in this film doesn't hurt at all. Not one bit. Mmm Brando.


10) Molly Ringwald/Michael Schoeffling "Sixteen Candles." (1984) Honestly, the thing that really gets me soft about this kiss is the whole presentation of it. I didn't really believe that Jake and Sam had the potential to be a long-term couple in the harsh environment of a public high school in the 80s. But the two of them leaning over a birthday cake while sitting comfortably on a hardwood floor--it's just so precious. It's how every sixteen-year-old girl should get to celebrate her birthday. I think I actually went sledding. But there weren't any guys as cute as Jake Ryan at my school anyway.

11) Tobey Maguire/Kirsten Dunst "Spiderman." (2002) This kiss really raised the bar. Not only is it the best kiss in any superhero film ever, but it may be one of the most creative and unusual screen kisses of all time. I actually think it was a bit overrated but I can't really ignore its significance. And I really appreciate the trust that exists between Mary Jane and Peter Parker here. Even though she doesn't know who she is kissing at the moment, Mary Jane respects the webslinger enough to protect his identity. She only pulls the mask down only enough to expose his lips. To see a superhero that vulnerable (in costume!) is incredibly sexy.

12) Winona Ryder/Angelina Jolie "Girl, Interrupted." (1999) Finally traveling together outside of the confines of the mad world of Claymoore, two beautiful women share an innocent kiss that seems to seal their already understood bond. You can see the admiration and awe in Susanna's eyes. Lisa no longer seems dangerous at this point in the film, which only makes it more powerful when she turns on Susanna. Of course, the weed sort of mellows things out a bit. But really, it is a beautiful moment.

13) Ralph Fiennes/Julianne Moore "The End of the Affair." (1999) We know that the love affair between Bendrix and Sarah is doomed from the beginning of the film, but there is certainly an intense glimmer of hope when he catches her in the rain and pulls her under his coat to kiss her. It is such a heavy dose of old-fashioned romance that for a minute you forgive both of them for their infidelities. A few moments later, he throws her passionately against the hard wall of an alley and you beg for more infidelity.

14) Geena Davis/Bill Pullman "A League of Their Own." (1992) Bob returns home from the war to Dottie just as she's given up hope. His name might be boring, but the kiss that he shares with his lady is anything but. Here, we see a new side of the headstrong, independent Dottie Henson. They're both sobbing and kissing and it's such a great cathartic moment of bliss and gratefulness.

15) James Caan/Marlon Brando "The Godfather." (1972) This man/man moment carries a lot more weight than any kiss shared by the cowboys on Brokeback Mountain. Actually, any one of the kisses of betrayal in the Godfather series could have made this list, but just seeing Sonny bent so low, the look of disgust on Don Vito's face...it's such a powerful still. Not a kiss that I'd want to receive, but it sure made for great cinema. Actually, Michael kissing Fredo in Part II might be a better choice here now that I think about it. "I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."



The 15th Slot is pretty open for now. I'd like to keep it that way until I can think of one that really belongs there. Of course, I've considered the famous kisses from "Casablanca," "On the Waterfront," "Rear Window," "Titanic," etc. I'm trying to keep this list free from too many clichés but I guess I can't deny what is already accepted as being great.

Suggestions are always welcome...